this is my illustration of miazawa kenjis famous poem ami ni makezu one of the most famous poems in japan, here is the enlish translation:
Be not defeated by the rain, Nor let the wind prove your better.
Succumb not to the snows of winter. Nor be bested by the heat of summer.
Be strong in body. Unfettered by desire. Not enticed to anger. Cultivate a quiet joy.
Count yourself last in everything. Put others before you.
Watch well and listen closely. Hold the learned lessons dear.
A thatch-roof house, in a meadow, nestled in a pine grove's shade.
A handful of rice, some miso, and a few vegetables to suffice for the day.
If, to the East, a child lies sick: Go forth and nurse him to health.
If, to the West, an old lady stands exhausted: Go forth, and relieve her of burden.
If, to the South, a man lies dying: Go forth with words of courage to dispel his fear.
If, to the North, an argument or fight ensues:
Go forth and beg them stop such a waste of effort and of spirit.
In times of drought, shed tears of sympathy.
In summers cold, walk in concern and empathy.
Stand aloof of the unknowing masses:
Better dismissed as useless than flattered as a "Great Man".
This is my goal, the person I strive to become.
`ChewedKandi has certainly gone out of her way to keep the vector community on the right path. Always making sure that her talents are infinitely scalable, Sharon has put her bezier curves to excellent use, and firmly anchored herself as an inspirational leader. We're absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for June 2013 to `ChewedKandi. Congratulations, Sharon! Read More
Sta.sh
you studying japanese? i have a group
in the previous critique it was mentioned this shows (your) potential. It does but it also shows potential for this piece to grow and evolve and maybe become even better.
first things first. it needs cleaned up. if you scanned it and it doesnt come out perfect and a little foggy or just comes from transparent smears, use some picture editing program and play with the contrast. it makes the colors animate
Now for the lady. i honestly cant connect the point of her to the words but it sure does look in place. I see that you have done it in some kind of coloring pencil. that gives it a nice unintimidating vibe yet what i feel you should work on is the style you draw your women as. it seems a bit too generic and anime looking. but even if anime was your goal it needs to be instinctively seen as your Original Character.
I liked the unique style of this poet for using kanji and katakana. it was a great choice to do. but with your style of calligraphy writing, i feel all the characters look too pencil and twig like. I feel this poem has powerful elegant words, so i would be more impacted if the characters reflected the emotion of the poetry. These words would look great with watercolor
so for the overall look of the ink and the drawing i would say try to make them more bold and noticable.
One subtle thing i felt was that i think this would look so much better being less horizontally long or maybe longer vertically so that it could in the shape of a conventional poster for people to hang.
I dont know about copyrights but if you got permission for that im sure it will come easily because it would make such a great idea selling them as posters. or you could even paint it on some canvas or scroll and give it to someone close to hang up.
oh and i also almost forgot about the somewhat visible blue cloud look. which kind of proves my point a little. don't be afraid to let your colors be a little more saturated and the blue would make the black characters look great.
But i as for things like originality, i have never quite seen anything like this so i was impressed. And you have good vision because this makes me want to do some poetry and song lyrics blending with art. your technique is where you kind faltered but that's okay because that is what critiques are for, to help you strengthen your skills. And finally for impact, i enjoyed the poem and the overall picture fits my taste just fine.
I hope this has been of some help. Good luck.
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